Hey y’all!! Guess what I did last night?
WENT TO A ROLLER DERBY GAME!
Get ready, because I’ve ironed my sassy pants y’all, it’s about to get CRA up in HERE.
I don’t even know what you call roller derby? A game?
Although we didn’t participate (BUT WE COULDA’, BECAUSE WE ARE SOME TOUGH TEACHERS!), we suuuuure had a good time!
Apparently, roller derby is pretty big in Texas, as there is a whole Texas Roller Derby League.
Last night we watched the Cherrybombs vs. the Rhinestone Cowgirls.
I learned a whole lot about roller derby last night.
Basically, you got your pack of chicks. And behind that pack, there are two girls with stars on their helmets.
Those are the jammers.
Those jammer chicks gotta get past the other chicks, and they get a point for every opponent they pass.
Plus, you gotta get through all this elbow-throwin’, hip checkin’, rip roarin’ speedy mess.
I think I have whiplash from following the action all night.
I could explain the rules in more detail to you, but I don’t really get sports.
I can change my oil, and ride dirt bike, and clean a deer, but I ask the same durn questions every season in football.
Anyways, onto the good stuff. Roller Derby attracts a whole host of characters, if you hadn’t guessed.
There was everyone from “old man oil tycoon” to “business man elite” to “family of four” to “bearded bubba in his overalls” to all the pin-up folks.
It was pretty awesome. If you didn’t get your $15 worth from all the roller action, you’d get your fill of people watching.
That third girl from the left is wearing horns.
Then they’ve got allllll these rockabilly t-shirts, and crazy tall socks, and booty shorts.
I mean what girl DOESN’T need Texas flag booty shorts and a roller skate shirt??
I am creating my Christmas list now.
Um, so the announcer people wore these very Ron Burgundy-esque polyester jackets, so of course we had to get ask for a photo-op, and WOW he was REALLY emphatic about taking pictures with us!
He also smelled of cigarettes and old beer. I think it’s part of his costume.
More dressed up people!
Despite the name, the Cherrybombs are actually green and black, and many of them had ninja turtle regalia mixed into their get-ups.
This girl must have been a Cherrybomb fan.
Once I saw TMNJ (teenage mutant ninja turtles), I was ALL IN.
Ooo, ooo, ooo, then they had this crazy wheel thing.
When anyone got a penalty, you know, for like knockin’ a chick out, they had to come over here, and this crazy “rodeo clown” type guy would spin the wheel and make the chicks do something crazy.
‘Cause every sport has a choice of tug-o-war, pillow fight, arm wrestle, or 2 lap duel as a choice of consequence.
Look at that pretty rink.
Ain’t she a beaut’?
So, we teachers will be signing off now. Back to our ho-hum days of grading papers and lunch duty.
But secretly, deep down inside, our inner roller derby girl is busting to get out.
~ Peace, Love, and Rollerskates Y’all
– Truckstop Trixie
(p.s. Truckstop Trixie is an actual player’s name, so I’m not stealing it, but it’s the one I most closely identified with, so I’ll borrow it kindly until I come up with my own. Heheheee)
What would be YOUR roller derby name?!